Step 4- Truth

Make a searching and fearless written moral inventory of yourself.

This step for me came at a time when I was on a spiritual and recovery high, I wanted to do everything exactly right and perfect, basically just get it right. My couselor gave me a very detailed packet of questions that trigger memory to be detailed and thorough about every action, thought and behavior that can weigh us down from out past.  As this stage of my recovery was difficult and painful it was relieving. I made up my mind that I would be 100% honest and that in step five I would relieve myself of the baggage I was carrying around and read this detailed information to my sponsor. But I also decided that she was the only person I would share this information with. 

This dishonest by omission from everyone in my support system was detrimental to my recovery. As I see this step as a very private part of recovery and only to be shared with a trusted support person and priesthood authority, I also see how being transparent and rigorously honest can only help me. It took me seven months in recovery to see how diminished pride and full trust in my support is an anchor to sobriety. I have put everything on the table and anytime I'm questioned or inquired about my past I am able to be honest. Addiction created a bad habit of lying and deceit, which put that as a forefront of my character. Telling the truth wasn't second nature anymore and I hated that about myself. But with practice and patience with myself I am able to be honest true and humble enough to those I love and those trying to help me to tell the truth and not hide from my true emotions rather break down my shell and be free. This step comes full circle in step ten where when we are wrong we promptly admit it. I have a strong testimony of the freeing power of that and how much secrets, lies and pride are all ways the adversary uses to weigh us down and keep us chained to very sorrowful life.