Restitution.

In active addiction I like to think of it as a tornado. We create a such horrific damage and chaos along the way in relationships, self worth, serenity of the soul, ect. We Hurt a lot of people especially those closest to us. We burn bridges, lose trust, deceive people we care for, and break hearts. For me I know that I also hurt myself, I damaged my spirit and left myself broke. All of this is our own doing and there comes a time in recovery that "a boy becomes a man" and we get the opportunity to make a huge choice to take responsibility for the wreckage of our self created storm. When compared to a tornado there is a calm after the storm. A time in our recovery where we can acknowledge we are still breathing, those who love us still do, and that ultimately we are ok. But like a tornado it may be calm but the debris, rubble and devastation still surrounds us. Any disaster recovery group would probably tell you this is when the heartache and healing collide to move forward. Like a tornado recovering from addiction takes hard work and dedication. This is where restitution comes into create a new world of being right with God, yourself and society. There is a line between justice and mercy one without the other doesnt make sense. When we make restitution in whatever form we have to know that this is the justice part, I am learning that I have to own my part and accept consequences no matter how dire they may seem because as a result comes mercy. I have tiny glimpses of how much my Heavenly Father and Savior love me, I have hope and faith that when I resolve my wrong doing I am able to heal my broken spirit. In the grand scheme of things and eternal perspective all my very trying times and depths of hell will make sense but for now I get to have fear and faith collide to give me courage to face whatever comes my way. I love the saying "hold on till the miracle happens".
I am so grateful for such an amazing support system especially my husband because mircles wouldn't he happening as they are and I'm going to continue to hold on.