When I first entered recovery I found this step to be defeating and for a weak person who wants to place blame for their behavior and weaknesses. I felt like I had a problem but I could control it. However that was far from the truth I had a marriage that was beyond strained, family relations that were hardened and shallow, friendships that we fading because I was falling apart. Step one was a chance to look at my past and say wow unmanageable is hard. My addiction doesn't just affect me or Brian, it affects a whole network of people in one way or another, hurt feelings, deceit, loss of trust, ect. I went through a treatment program for 28 days and once completed I felt confident and powerful, I knew I was done and I knew I had changed my ways. The key word to how I felt that set me up to fail again and relapse was powerful. If I don't work step one and admit every day that I am an addict and I can't use drugs successfully then I am basically saying I'm going to relapse. I don't have it, the saying "I've got this" doesn't apply to my recovery. I am a strong faithful daughter of my Heavenly Father and I am forever grateful for the Atoning sacrifice of my Savior. Because of Him I know I can admit defeat and admit to myself and Him that I can't do recovery alone. Being powerless is the first step to allow Heavenly Father to empower us! My life was unmanageable but today I feel as if I am living proof of promises of following His example and working these 12 steps that things will begin to work out in my favor and living in His will I will ultimately be blessed exactly how I need to be. Today I am happy, I have a very cringeworthy rock bottom to be able to reflect on and remember that if I use drugs I will wind up there again one way or another. Working step one means I am trying everyday one day at a time to not become unmanageable and to hold dear those things in my life that I almost lost, my amazing beautiful daughter Meiken and my husband Brian. I could have lost such an amazing life but ultimately I could have lost me. The LDS addiction recovery program has allowed me to find ME again and recover a person who is happy and loving to everyone. This program has brought so many miracles and tender mercies to my life and those around me. This is a program of honesty and through my Savior I have strength to be honest and turn my back on a chaotic life of misery and dishonesty that led me to complete unhappiness and despair.
My name is Lizzy and I am an addict in recovery.
Love always,
Recovery Lizzy
https://addictionrecovery.lds.org\
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