In 1989 Carlos H. Amado spoke in general conference about overcoming adversity and spoke these words: "Basically, we limit our vision to the events that happen in this life with the greatest emphasis placed on the present. Only when we fix our gaze on the heavenly things do we begin to understand the eternities. Only with the help of Christ can we fully overcome tragedy. It is necessary to develop our faith in Him as the Redeemer of the world. He taught us: “In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33.) It is my prayer that when we have afflictions we will follow the pattern that He taught during His bitter experience in Gethsemane. He said: “If thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.” (Luke 22:42.)"
Who could have guessed almost 30 years ago words were spoken that would bring an unspeakable peace to my soul? Being in recovery has brought so much happiness and peace to my life. Selfishly I would have hoped that the peace and happiness would continue without further trial. God's will doesn't fall into that plan and submitting to Him and following my Savior's example is what I have covenanted.
In just a few short months I have had several hardships fall into my world, my angel mother was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer that has spread to her lung and liver, and I have had back to back miscarriages a single and twin pregnancy. I feel as though I have "dealt" well with these huge misfortunes. Last night life caught up and I vented my soul to Brian. I woke up this morning with a huge weight of exhaustion, I had a single prayer this last week after miscarrying and having a D&C procedure for my twin pregnancy that I would just understand why.
After everything I have learned over the last few years, why I would fall back into old ways of stomping my foot like a toddler demanding my will to be fulfilled reminds me of how easy it is to forget the lessons I've learned and hold on to only looking at the now.
This morning I woke up and changed my prayer to a fervent plea for peace. The answer I received was overwhelming. I am enough, I am blessed beyond measure, I am a daughter of God who has divine potential for good. I am here to serve others and bless others, and going through these trials makes that potential for good even greater. The single most important thing to remember when going through a hardship or trial is that it is only pushing us closer to our Savior and Heavenly Father. The scripture above stating "I have overcome the world" stuck out to me like running into a brick wall. Why would I try to fight the world and try and understand why, when I don't have to? He has already done that for me, all I have to do is bask in His spirit to find comfort knowing He already fought the fight.
I have a go to statement "I am fine", but when it comes to our Heavenly Father, even when I am fine, the ache is real and He knows and when we open up to Him, He reaches into our soul and turns our weak hearts whole. This morning I felt that wholeness in my heart and I don't know why I try to hold on to present realities when the eternal perspective is so much brighter, and with one simple prayer and study for uplifting words His hands of mercy gave me a whole new light.
Through it all, His grace remains and is sufficient, that is the most comforting knowledge. "I will not I cannot I'll never forsake our foundation" those words from How Firm a Foundation are the basis of what I was ignoring and the greatest blessing of this earthly experience is how quickly we get to return to our Savior's example and remember the eternal perspective which is so much more beautiful and peaceful. So for now I get to feel the breeze of the storm and enjoy the silver lining. "I know He understands and He loves me as I am even through the storms and trials He is there watching over me in my heart I believe and lifts to bring me home and that's all I need to know." Patch Crowe.