Step 6- CHANGE OF
HEART
Become entirely ready
to have God remove all your character weaknesses.
Step 6 and 7 are so incredibly beautiful.
They are complete proof to me that I trusted God and had faith in His divine
power. I learned that God was in control and capable of changing my life for
the good if I would allow Him. These two steps come back around to a daily
practice in step 10.
Have ever noticed coming out of a
trial or hardship that you can breathe again? That all of the sudden you have
normal problems. Things that don’t really seem to impact your entire life and well-being.
When I arrived at this point in my recovery I was shocked. I remember telling
my husband that it was so nice to have a normal problem. I was so happy that
spilling something on the carpet was the worst part of my day.
These two steps, 6 and 7, are known
in the AA world as the “forgotten steps”. They are forgotten in my opinion
because life is good, what else if there to work on? However, they have also
been the most impactful in my life. I think that I have felt that because it
was an opportunity to look at my character and change my way of living to be as
Christlike as possible. I wasn’t having to face something that was life
changing or impactful outwardly, it was now little tiny things that I need to
change and tweak. It was beautiful. The changes that I was making and continue
to make had nothing to do with anyone else and were all within me. They were
manifested and changed because of my connection with God, which is all my
choice.
This step is called “change of heart”. This
was about the time in my recovery that I realized I had indeed had a change of
heart. I realized that I cared about other people more than I care about
myself. My focus wasn’t on me and was more on what I could do for others. My
pride was greatly diminished and my humility had started to show itself in a
way I never had experienced. I learned that staying in this very clean and
healthy way of living had allowed me to serve others and be there for people
because my cup was full. I was completely taken care of and aligned with God’s
will in order to show up, be present and available.
In my recovery, I did a two year “aftercare”.
I went to the treatment center I had gone to for 30 days, Action Recovery
Group, once a week for two hours. This is where I started step 6. My counselor
lays out step 6 with 17 character defects to focus on changing. His program had
me go through every one of these defects and say exactly why the defect or
weakness made my life unmanageable. That was the initial practice. I now go
through every one of those defects every night and write down from 0-3 how much
that defect or weakness impacted my day. (see the bottom of the post for the 17
defects and their accompanying asset) This practice has been so incredibly
vital to my mental health. If I allow weaknesses to creep in and become
habitual again I lose the desire to strive to be better and fall back into a
rut of living a subpar life. This practice and discipline of constantly trying
to better myself reminds me that I am in control of my thoughts, actions, and
negative feelings. I rely on God to not just show me what these are, but I have
developed a faith to know that He can change me and my heart. I know that God
wants me to live my best life and be the very best version of myself. This is
100% through asking him with a desire and developing a trust that He will
assist me to change all these defects of character.
One of the most humbling
discoveries I have made about myself is that if I don’t allow God to assist me
in ridding myself of these negative behaviors, thought patterns, and desires
that I will cling to them. I have done this “moral inventory” nightly for
roughly three years and I know that I have favorite defects or weaknesses. I
say favorite because they are the easiest for me to tap in to in order to cope
in an unhealthy way. It’s pretty sad to write that down, but it is so true. Self-condemnation
and pride for example are two of my very best. I use them very innocently in
the beginning and if I don’t catch myself quickly and ask God to forgive me and
assist me to live and choose better, then I can go weeks in that pride cycle
and feeling sorry for myself. This practice of looking at ALL of my weaknesses
and trying to better myself is unbelievably daunting. However, Jesus Christ’s
atoning sacrifice had brought me to this point, why would it not cover such a
task?
The process was gradual at best and
I saw it go forward and backward several times. I felt myself fall back because
it was easier and safer, totally the social norm. Then I would have amazing
experiences where I was progressing spiritually, emotionally, and physically
that I would just continue to reach for a greater and the best version of
myself. I am very observant by nature and what I know from of every avenue in
my life is that people want to stay put because it is comfortable. Making the
choice to continually change and embrace the good has brought not only growth,
but I have seen the most accurate version of my inner self portrayed outwardly
to others. I have found happiness because I stopped looking where I knew it
wasn’t and embraced that happiness is found from somewhere inside of me all I
had to do was CHOOSE it. I incorporated being comfortable with uncomfortable,
and have stopped trying to think every situation should be what I think it
should be and actually just let it be what it is. Living a life and being a
person that I would want to be around.
Whenever I feel a stall in my life,
where I am comfortable and seem to be staying put I am so grateful for what I have
written. I write daily about the experiences that I have with God, friends,
family, and anyone I’m in contact with. I write my successes and failures. I
write down where I feel like I have gone wrong and where I know I have done the
right thing. If there is anything anyone ever takes from me I hope that it will
be the power of writing. It doesn’t have to be beautiful or amazing. No one
ever has to read what you put on paper. What I do know is when I am stuck, like
I said, I turn to these writings and thoughts. I am immediately motivated to do
better. I find a weakness that at one time I felt as though I had mastered, my
words that I had written give me direction and purpose. I call it a God journal
because I am very prayerful while I write. I write in it every day and it has
no rhyme or reason, it is totally scattered. But it has been a lifeline for me.
A conference report from 1985 by
President Ezra Taft Benson says this; “The Lord works from the inside out. The
world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums.
Christ takes the slums out of people, and then they take themselves out of the
slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes
men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior,
but Christ can change human nature… may we be convinced that Jesus is the Christ,
choose to follow Him, captained by Him, consumed in Him and born again.” I love
this because once I decided to change me and my heart with God’s help I found a
desire to change everything about my life. I changed who I associated with,
what conversations I would entertain, my daily habits, the way I approached
challenges and trials. These changes came because Christ changed my heart. A new
disposition and character is ALWAYS achievable. We can always change for the
better, and that is beautiful.
“If you ever find yourself in the
wrong story, leave.” Mo Willems
17 character defects
and assets
Impatience/ patience, Procrastination/
promptness, Laziness/ activity, Criticizing/ non-judgmental, False pride/
humility, Self- importance/ modesty, Self-condemnation/ self- valuation, Dishonesty/
honesty, Insincerity/ sincerity, Self-justification/ taking responsibility, Self-pity/
acceptance, Jealousy/ trust, Envy/ gratitude, Vulgar immoral thinking/ values
oriented, Destructive anger/ constructive anger, Resentment/ forgiveness, Negative thinking/ positive thinking
